Friday, September 14, 2012

Hoping I Never Get That Confident - Or Deranged

Earlier this week I blogged about losing IT with my kids. It happens, not often, but it happens. I’m working on it. Usually it happens because I’m convinced I’m right and I’m trying to make them see, just open their eyes and SEE how their actions are affecting everyone around them. This always backfires and what we all end up SEEing is how immature their mother is.

Well this morning I was reading about the attack on Pam vanHylckama, an agent who was attacked by a disgruntled psychotically-unhinged rejected writer. At first I was horrified, re: W T Heck!? Then I was angry for her and that we live in a world where people are abused and assaulted. My third thought was, I hope I never get that confident in the divine perfection of my own prose.

Personally, every time I get a rejection I tend to think, Yeah. She’s right. And I a little bit think, Isn’t it funny how I was pretending to be a writer these past few years? Then I chill and go back and rework my manuscript a little. I also accidently… all the chocolate.

I cannot imagine being so convinced of my all-powerful writerly-ness that if someone rejected me, I would decide there was something wrong with them and I should therefore stalk them and assault them. Now I’m sure this guy is dealing with issues far more serious than inflated ego, but the thought remains, I hope I never become so in love with myself that I feel the need to unleash my inner demons.

No agent needs me to track her down and dump her satchel out all over the sidewalk. Or maybe if I were really mad, I would lecture her for an hour while she cried. No one needs to experience that. It’s best if my confidence remains safely where it is. That way, the only person who suffers is my manuscript. His name is Phil.


  1. Well, I'm sure that Phil is absolutely wonderful. (By the way, that ending cracked me up, even though your post was very serious and moving.)

    I know that you feel uncomfortable because you got frustrated the other day, but you have a LONG way to go before you're anything like the writer who attacked Pam vanHylckama. It sounds like he has a history of problems with the law, and this is one more incident for him. You? You're just someone who's trying to be the best parent, writer, wife, and, in general, person you can be. No one can fault you for that.

  2. Hi Kathryn,
    I found your blog via another blog that had posted a great quote you wrote about light. I'm in a very similar position to you in terms of writing. I've been querying for a novel for about a year and have so many rejections! It's very hard, this business. While querying I've found some freelance work, but hoping that all those years spent on a novel will come to be. Anyway, I wanted to tell you to keep writing and I hope the agent comes looking for you very soon. Merry Christmas!